Here are some basic rules!

• Here in Tennessee, we may have the best view, but we’ll also be the first to be sacrificed.

• Animals may behave strangely. If your dog speaks like a man, heed its dire warnings.

• Don’t trust the squirrel with a child’s face. It speaks only lies.

• When your double arrives, resist the urge to fight it — it may be stronger than you. Chances are, it will disappear after the eclipse, but be careful it doesn’t switch places with you, because it’ll be a few decades before you get the chance to come back.

• If you stare into the void, and it blinks first, you win. But the prize is insanity.

• Werewolves are not only impossible to kill during an eclipse, they become SUPER werewolves.

• Whatever you do, don’t buy any weird plants. We don’t want a repeat of last time.

• Apophis, the Moon Serpent, may try to eat you. Let him.

• Remember, no matter how salty your (gay best friend) is, the moon still throws the best shade.

• If once upon a time you were falling in love, but now you’re only falling apart, there’s nothing you can do. This is a different kind of eclipse.

Thanks to Justin Alva for posting the rules!